Alan needs a jelly mould -- now!

You may imagine me strolling the aisles of an echoing Tupperware warehouse. In fact, I work from home and I only keep a very small stock of Tupperware products here, generally the most popular items. Most of the time, I will need to order products from my distributor, and it takes around a week or so.

With this in mind, a call comes out of the blue from a researcher on ITV1's Alan, Alan Titchmarsh's afternoon show. Can I supply them with a old-style jelly mould? Apparently, Alan has suddenly decided he needs one for the show. Tupperware has two different fantastic traditional jelly moulds, I explain, and I could have one for you in a week. "Well, we really need it for 2pm" the researcher trills. I glanced at my kitchen clock, and it was 12:30pm. If I had a spare one in stock, I would certainly have taken it over to them, because I don't live far from where the show is recorded. And it would have been a good story for the blog. But I don't.

I don't drive, so I don't know what possessed me to order this huge Tupperware car-magnet from America via Ebay [above]. Blame the cheap dollar. It is two feet by one foot, and the only large surface it fits is the door of my freezer. If anyone fancies slapping it onto their car door and doing some advertising for me, let me know. I can pay you in Tupperware.

Orders are trickling in, but nothing special. It's almost time for the catalogue to change over to Spring/Summer, and I have plenty of the Autumn/Winter edition left over. So I heave them into an Aldi bag, and take the bus over to Wimbledon, London's South African enclave, where I have a small order to deliver to Fiona. Around Wimbledon and Raynes Park train stations there are branches of The Savanna, a South African grocery chain, where staff are always happy to display catalogues. At the Raynes Park shop, my catalogues form a sensational South African installation [right] with the ostrich biltong.

I understand that there is another male Tupperware consultant in the UK now, name of Daniel. Looking forward to meeting him.